Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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