just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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