I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
