dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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