i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
