I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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