great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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