Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
