I should be sponsored by Trojan
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
