And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
