google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He has the fingertips of a God
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
