That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
