Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
