it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
