This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
