Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
