the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
