These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
