ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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