i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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