I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
