I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
