fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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