Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
