When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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