I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
