How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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