so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
