Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
