dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
