so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
