wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
