Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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