Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
