I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
