He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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