my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
