I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
