My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
