Are we in a gay sports bar?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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