Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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