I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
