That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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