Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
