in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
