Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
