He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
