Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
