3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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