He is an equal opportunity slut.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
