Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
