Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
